Wednesday, January 28, 2004

People I have lived with in Brisbane town*.

Anne liked keeping kittens locked inside the house in sweltering conditions. We weren't allowed to open the windows in case they got out. She moaned in a very theatrical way during sex. She liked associating with Satanists.

Leif (aka Skelator)went out with Anne. He liked wearing ribbons off his jeans and poncing round. He stole all our rent money to spend on prostitutes. Now living in Melbourne - apparently still with Anne.

Tom was a gymnast. He was pretty normal except for his habit of playing his best friend and girlfriend off against each other for his own (perhaps) sick pleasure. Oh and for looking like a little monkey. Had to move back in with his parents to pay the lawyers bills.

Catherine was in love with Tom and heartbroken when he moved out. She took years to get over it before meeting her current alcoholic ex(?) junkie man who ruined everything he touched.

Peter was Toms best friend. He was in love with Catherine and Tom. He only had one set of clothes and enjoyed nothing better than removing all his body hair. He only owned two cd's which he played 24 hours a day.

Jim was a schizophrenic who would change something in the house everyday be it a new lounge or fifty new plants. His dog and cat both disappeared in the first two weeks I lived there. He was committed shortly after. Would run off with the TV while you were watching it.

Mary was an American exchange student. She had never been overseas before and was from the Midwest. She moved out shortly after taking acid during Miss Teen USA. During this period was notable in becoming the only person I have lived with in QLD to wish there were more cockroaches. Now back in the States.

Ben never seemed to be around. It turns out he was friends with Catherine and Peter in that round about way everyone in Brisbane knows each other. Somehow dislikeable despite never doing anything. Spent his time in a dope induced stupor.

Jenny was Jim's sister. She moved in after he was committed. She somehow seemed like an old hippy despite being only about 18. Went out with Ben.

The guys "in the band". Were moving in as I moved out. What you would expect from a heavy metal band. Feral.

Jenny came back from North Qld after going bush. Moved out shortly after. Brought back five English guys who slept in the hallways so you had to walk over their hard-ons every morning.

Greg sorta went out with Jenny. Fancied himself an artist so never cleaned or helped round the house. Played really bad guitar.

Andrea ran up 400 bucks worth of calls in 2 weeks. Made comments about people's sexuality and constantly had geeky foreign exchange students over who would exclaim over how much they loved strong Australian girls. Was a Christian which says it all really.

Kelly looked like the Wella woman and had the most beautiful hair until she broke her boyfriends heart, shaved her head and became a lesbian after a week at surf camp. She ran away to a women's acrobatic circus soon after.

Fern is one of the best people on earth. When I first moved in with her we embarked on a slab a day/eighth a day diet. It was very successful. Now graduated from uni! A doctor! Married with two kids in Brissy. Changed everyone who lived with her's life - and in a good way. Could have been the love of my life but wasn't.

Melody used to wear a tail (which looked surprisingly natural) and had no common sense. I kicked her out after she sold spliff to a schizophrenic homeless woman who had tried to strangle me the week before. She couldn't work out why I was upset.

Todd was the filthiest looking boy I've ever seen despite taking two hour plus showers everyday. We could not help but treat him with suspicion. His parents were loaded and gave the impression he was slumming. Moved into a Tepee in Northern NSW when he left.

Hettie brought about fifty people with her when she moved in. Thought that by pulling the supports out of the side of the house to enable them all to climb in the window that we wouldn't notice. Ultimately the 20 toothbrushes in the (one) bathroom gave the game away.

Kim despite living with ten others ruled the house with a fist of iron. Managed to get us all to be quiet during her uni exams. Had some funny ideas about the war but is still a top chick. Makes some mean sushi. Living the corporate dream in Melbourne.

Tara was a hippy and one of the best looking and sweetest girls you would ever meet. Taught me to enjoy the little things in life. Lived up north for three months solely on mangos, coconuts and bush tucker. Fantastic fire sticker. Once observed that Tantric workshops were "a great way to get to know people". Now lives in a commune up north.

Paul aka the little French boy dubbed for his amazingly long eyelashes and dark colouring. When out with Tara for a while. Constructive previous life as cyclist at Australian Institute of Sport. Last heard of squatting and busking in Brisbane.

Daria who could do anything. She could cook, fix things, sew, you name it she could do it. One of my best friends. My favourite times were spent dancing on the table in my room after messy nights out. Put me and my now ex up when we got to London (to his discomfort in a separatist lesbian house). Now liking boys again.

Mick moved in after breaking up with his fiancé. We hung out almost constantly, getting up to mischief and running amuck. Moved down south briefly however current whereabouts are unknown. The first boy I knew who changed from being a carpenter to a hairdresser. Was this the first metrosexual?

Sideshow Bob had big feet and red dreadlocks. He only ever wore black or dark brown and was a computer geek as well as being into experimental electronic music. Went out with Kim for a while. Had few social skills. I found out only recently that he had been/was scared of me. I wish I'd known.

Sue was the responsible member of the house. A den mother if you will. At one time totally addicted to buying new sneakers. Only ate white bread. Under pressure to have a more diverse diet I once found her eating frozen veg from the packet.

Conrad was more boyfriend than flatmate - only moved in cause he was living there anyway. Was a "boy in a bubble". Father was an ex SAS Vietnam vet. Mother died young of cancer. Had a lot of "issues" but still a top bloke. Last heard of moving back to Brisbane from Alice Springs.

Nicole helped break my heart. May still be going out with Conrad. Other than that a nice enough girl if a bit fey. Liked plants. Had a look about her that suggested her parents hadn't loved her enough.

Kerry had a very mysterious job which involved all of us thinking she was on the game (unlike later flatmates who really were). Turns out the vaginal wash that had us all intrigued was really just to stay "fresh". Has now emigrated to London apparently for good.

Gina and I were really good mates for ages until I wouldn't fit her up one night. Couldn't understand how I was otherwise occupied by the first boy I had brought home in nearly a year and as a result proceeded to have a three hour fight (with her psychotic (now ex) boyfriend) outside my room. Strangely he wasn't scared off by this.

Sally went to the shop one day and never came back. It turned out that she was a smack addict and she had gone on the run. Saw her at the drive through bottle shop in West End a week later (in her Dads stolen car). Was the only person I have lived with to be declared missing.

Paul and Tim were gay junkie rent boys (naturally this only became apparent after they moved in). We were often awoken by Paul's jealous rages about Tim's activities down the "wall" and by our own smashing furniture. They stole all my flatmates Christmas money after I kicked them out.

Samantha was on the game. Her driver stole my TV. She had a built in radar for the worst men I have ever seen. She fell in love with a 7"5 drug dealing biker fresh out of jail at her strip club. Her relationship with her father was concerning to say the least.

Nancy started stripping too after getting a job with Samantha. She took the most speed I've ever seen which we all loved as the house would be spotless. However it tended to turn her into a mindless zombie. She meet a copper while on the job and gave it all up for love.

Cara was lovely. A bit strange in her own way and terrible taste in guys but then she never really got on with my boyfriend so I'm not one to talk. Things went a bit strange between us after my cat died. Bickering over the rent finally broke the camels back.

Paul was a curly haired angelic looking boy who I must admit I spent hardly any time with as he practically lived at his girlfriends place until he did pack up and finally move there.

Greg worked at Telstra and helped out with his fortunate phone discounts. Spent a lot of time disrobed in his room chatting to other boys on the web. Was a real sweetie.

Adam was another ex boyfriend who was more partner than flattie and the last person I lived with in Brissie. He followed me round the world for a time. Now living back in Brisbane. A heart of gold even if pathologically jealous and insecure.

*Names have been changed.

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